When did Mother’s Day become such a hostile holiday? I do not remember it always being like this. Mother’s day is not an evil holiday and being a Mother is not evil! What ever happened to just be nice and celebrate.
I acknowledge there are some who were not good Mothers. Many were estranged, had mental issues, perhaps they are incarcerated. I lost my Mother at a very young age to a tragic and horrific violent death so yes, I understand. Times were not always easy and those bad memories are hard to deal with at times. Rather than remain in such an angry position can we finally realize that blaming our mothers for every present situation has just become a habit that we need to break..
Some mothers did the best they could do with what they had. We all can at least acknowledge that. If you are a living being then you know that life is not always peaches and lemon drops! It saddens me that in a time when we need people in our life that do love us by how many adult children do not include their mother (or father) into their adult life. Does this mean that as a parent we really messed up and we are the only ones that are totally wrong?
More and more I am seeing a trend of adult children expecting much more out of their parents than they are willing themselves to give. As a parent I see how many adult children are using their family as a tool to manipulate. It does not mean it does not hurt when they decide to hold grudges or hold the grandchildren as hostage. It does hurts….but life goes on. As much as we want to think that we did not raise our children like this part of who they are now is a result of their upbringing. We also have to know that some adults are simply ungrateful and disrespectful and chose to take this road on their own. I, for one am sorry for what part I played in not always having the right attitude or acting in anger.
Adult children who decide to cut their parents off is their own form of abuse. I have been on the parent bashing road too but it doesn’t help anyone. The difference is I finally accepted responsibility for ME and I had a conscious enough to realize it was not all their fault. I finally grew up and realized it was not all about me and life is just tough sometimes. I didn’t have to look back too far to see there were times that I knew we were happy or my parents were barely surviving.
Every family has had its share of irreconcilable circumstances. Some had alcoholic parents. Some mothers were simply property to use and others were tough and held the family together while barely scraping by. Did we all get the nurturing we need? Absolutely not! Yet, when our parents were sick we were there for them. Some of us had to do the nursing ourselves, others were able to fund their care. We did not think twice about it. We did not whine about not receiving what we expected from our mother or father. Instead we had the respect and remembered to “Honor thy father and mother.” They gave us life. They supplied the best they could for us. They listened to our crap about struggling to pay bills or had problems with the spouse or children. They sent some of these adult children to college on their tab.
I just want to scream when I hear, “I love my parents and I believe they did what they could but.….” You are kidding me right? Before you add your …but… realize that this is a form of abandonment from your parents. When your parent is sick they need you! Please think before you reply “I have a job and the kid has soccer practice.” It seems that it is coming so easy for too many adult children to blame the parents than to face their own problems and change themselves. That self righteous ability to walk away from the parents that gave you life, shelter, food, education, affection and advice is abhorring! We all would like to say we had the best nurturing home life but that is not always the case.
We were not alcoholics nor did we drink. We never did illegal drugs or have wild parties. Did we mess up. Yes we did! Perfect parents do not exist. Life did not come with a guarantee of perfect parenting and perfect nurturing. Sometimes it does not matter what you do now or what you did then, there are some that only care for themselves and no one else. They are ungrateful and do not take one morsel of responsibility for the way they behave. Family or not, I’m beyond exhausted of dealing with adults who refuse to grow up.
Unless your parents abused beyond what your menial mind has decided is abuse, you have NO right to act like this! No child has lived a perfect childhood and neither did your parents! Grow up adult children! I do believe that you have no obligation or duty to have respect for your parents. I also believe this reflects your own self-hatred. Are you perfect? Were you perfect? Will you ever be perfect? NO!
Parents, never accept less than you are worth. Right now you have to remind yourself who you are. Acknowledge your successes and victories both real and acquired for simply surviving.
for the concerns of the very poor; for single mothers and hungry children, for out of work men and struggling fathers. For broken veterans and families just trying to get by in a country that is slowly stripping away aid for them. If we cannot, or will not, stand for the “least of these” as a country, as a community, as family units and individuals….then what have we become?
I stand for these people because they need, and deserve, voices. I stand for them because they are, by and large, good, decent, hard working, dedicated family people who are just trying to make it. I stand for them because they are made in the image of God, and deeply beloved by Him….and by me.
And I wash my hands of any political group that looks down upon them, or exploits them for political gain (which pretty much means both parties are out) and forgets these are worthy people too.
We in America look the other way so often; we blame the homeless vet on the street for lacking a home, and for self medicating his illness (both physical and mental) with whatever he can find. Forgetting the service he gave. We scorn the single mother, and blame her for abusing the system, when she is trying to feed her kids. We curl our collective lips in mockery of the middle aged or older man doing whatever work he can find, because he still needs aid on top of that to pay his rent. We cross to the other side of the road rather than face the hand out, beseeching us to do something.
Yes, there are some people that abuse the system. Fine, hire auditors to go over records, hire more social workers, manage the problem. But don’t yank the rug out from under those who are really trying, and barely managing. And if you do, then don’t you dare call yourself a follower of Jesus Christ.
Copied from Beth Hayes Butler facebook page
There is no use in trying to be honest with an emotional manipulator. You make a statement and it will be turned around. Example: I am really angry that you forgot my birthday. Response – “It makes me feel sad that you would think I would forget your birthday, I should have told you of the great personal stress I am facing at the moment – but you see I didn’t want to trouble you. You are right I should have put all this pain (don’t be surprised to see real tears at this point) aside and focused on your birthday. Sorry.”
Crazy making – saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it.
-Psychopaths lie in order to dominate others-
Because relationships are games to them, and because they view other people as objects and feel completely justified in exploiting them, psychopaths know that deception creates an uneven playing field. Lying is integral to impression management and mirroring; the lies enable psychopaths to present false images of themselves to potential targets. Those targets lose the ability to make safe and appropriate decisions. They enter into the relationships, unaware of the danger in store for them. Then, once the targets are hooked, psychopaths continue to use lies, along with a sprinkling of truth, in a multitude of ways, to ensure that their targets keep “playing.” They lie to cover up cheating, alcoholism, drug use, and sometimes various illegal activities. They lie through evasion and by withholding information. They lie as a form of gaslighting, in order to increase their control over their targets by making them constantly question themselves. They often repeatedly tell the ultimate lie, that they “love” their targets. And, they lie just for the fun of it.
-Psychopaths actually feel a form of pleasure when they lie
Unlike lies told out of fear or to hide shame, psychopathic lies are often told because they bring a shallow form of pleasure to the liar. This is called “Duper’s Delight.” This explains why psychopaths sometimes lie when it is completely unnecessary or when the truth would be more advantageous. Psychopaths also include a variety of details in their lies, not only because it makes their lies sound more credible, but also because they enjoy constructing a false reality and making others believe it. It feeds their need for power and provides them with sick entertainment.
-Psychopaths lie effortlessly and are very convincing
Psychopaths experience pleasure from lying because they lack the normal range of human emotions. They are empty and bored, they lack empathy for others, and they do not feel shame or remorse. This emptiness also enables them to lie with minimal effort. They can look other people straight in the eye, without flinching, and lie quickly and guiltlessly, even when confronted with probing questions and evidence of previous deception. It is also easy for them to deny the lies, make up excuses, and project their own behavior on to others, which is, of course, a lie in itself. Although some psychopaths do not bother with apologies, others say they’re sorry on a regular basis, and because they say this without feeling any shame, they can come across as sincere.
-Psychopaths lie to make others feel sorry for them
All psychopaths know exactly how to elicit sympathy from their targets. They are exploiters, and so they take advantage of the natural desire most people have to help and nurture their fellow human beings. They use deception (and sometimes a smidgeon of truth) to create a plethora of fabricated ailments and problems. Common pity plays include fake illnesses and injuries, along with “crazy” exes, car accidents, and theft, to name just a few. Psychopaths generate as many pretend sob stories as needed in order to draw others into their hidden games, again and again and again. The ability they have to lie pathologically, easily, and confidently makes it possible for them to convince others that such an implausible number of tragedies is plausible, which unfortunately opens the door to a variety of manipulation and exploitation opportunities.
A narcissist is similar to a hoarder in that they collect people. They view people as objects, meant to be used, they serve as either a supply, potential supply, or they have no purpose. A narc will have a long list of people that can be manipulated to get exactly what they need. Their harem is comprised of ex-friends, potential friends and those who wish to be their friend. It can be coworkers, neighbors and family also included on their list. Basically anyone who will boast their sense of superiority and ego by placing them on a pedestal. A narcissist will always keep all options open. They never want to truly close or end any past relationships. Continue reading
When I read this on post on the facebook. I found it interesting.
You are NOT TO BLAME for any of this it is/was ALL Smoke and Mirrors that created a horrendous and fake reality, and unfortunately an agenda that abused and extorted your life!
The first thing that the targets/victims of Narcissists need to know is that they are not to blame! You didn’t “ask for abuse” by living your life in a normal manner or by speaking up and demanding that you deserved respect. You most certainly didn’t deserve abuse because you loved and practiced empathy either! You didn’t enter into your relationship in whatever manner you did to endure abuse. You didn’t raise a family with a Narcissist to have the family unit destroyed by a Narcissist that would even abuse their own biological children or any family member or person. So what is up with the belief that this abuse can be JUSTIFIED in any manner. Continue reading